It’s been a while.
Sorry about that.
Yesterday I met with my spiritual director, and explored with her why I haven’t been able to write lately. Lately being approximately the last six months or so.
“I was at a spiritual retreat, and we were exhorted not to write or teach about what God was doing in us, until it was fully formed. It’s like serving bread out of the oven that is only half baked. I haven’t been able to write since then.”
She helped me reflect some more about my different theories as to why I couldn’t write. “Which feels more true to you as you say it?”
I can’t write because I’m serving up something half baked? Why do I need to write something Deep, Substantial and Profound anyways? What part of my ego is that feeding? What false self am I trying to bolster?
“I just wanna be a Jeanne Vanier, dammit it!” I laughed at myself as I said it out loud.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” she said, “but sometimes we don’t do something because we’re lazy. We don’t do it one day. And then we don’t do it the next, and then so much time has gone by it’s harder and harder to do it.”
Ouch. Yep the wounds of a friend (and spiritual director) are faithful.
A few years ago I felt like the Lord was talking to me about how He wanted me to teach. He wasn’t asking me to be a marvellous Bible expositor. A master at exegesis.
“You need to live a life that speaks. And then tell the stories.”
Live the life. And tell the stories.
So as of this moment I am relieving myself of the burden of writing Something Profound.
And go back to telling my little stories about where I see God at work in our small prayer community and our lovely city.
Maybe it will be half baked. But then, you can just bake it yourself at home!