A wise man once said to me, “put us in the right situation, and we are all insecure!”
My right situation?
I found myself teaching at Bob Ekblad’s ministry, Tierra Nueva in Washington State. After his visit with us in January, Bob invited me to come visit next time I was on the West Coast, and teach his team about intercessory prayer. I really wanted Bob to meet Aaron White, the leader of the 614 community in Vancouver, our sister prayer and missions community through 24/7 prayer, so I invited Aaron along for the ride.
“Sure!” he said.
Which meant when it was time to teach, I had to teach in front of him. And Bob. Both of whom I considered vastly superior in intellect, gifting, and experience. Both of whom had been my teachers, and who had shaped my growth and spiritual formation in significant ways.
You bet I was!
So I gave myself a talking to.
“Self, you need to get over yourself! It’s not about you!”
Not massively inspiring.
Fortunately, Jesus gave me a talking to as well.
“Jill, let me see your face, let me hear your voice. Your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.”
So I let Him hear my voice. I shared my story, and tried to be a faithful witness to what He’s done in my life and in GOHOP.
A few days later I found out that I had to speak at the House of Prayer National Summit.
In front of Kirk Bennett, a senior leader from the House of Prayer in Kansas City.
Whom I considered vastly superior in intellect, revelation, gifting and experience. Who had been my teacher, and who had shaped my growth and spiritual formation in significant ways.
You would think because of the revelation I had the week before, I would have felt bold and confident!
Nope, not one bit.
I also felt insecure because GOHOP is a mutant House of Prayer. We’ve grafted in DNA from several prayer streams, including Benedictine spirituality and the 24/7 Prayer.com folks. Which means that we don’t look like a typical (is there such a thing?) “HOP”, and I don’t sound like a typical HOP leader (Not sure there’s such a thing as that either). Did I have anything relevant to say even?
Fortunately, Jesus gave me a talking to again.
“Jill, let me see your face, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely!”
My heart was re-oriented. Away from self consciousness and insecurity.
He wanted to hear my voice.
So up on the platform I spoke to Him. As my offering, my obedience, and my worship.
And He released this amazing, supernatural sweetness in our midst.
His voice changes everything. I love His kindness….. His tender invitations invigorate our hearts.